


Now is a Dark Wood

by ideserveyou



Category: Arthur of the Britons
Genre: Angst, First Time, Hallucinations, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pre-Canon, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-05
Updated: 2011-12-05
Packaged: 2017-10-26 23:23:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/289025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ideserveyou/pseuds/ideserveyou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur goes on a final bender during his last autumn before he comes of age and succeeds to the leadership. And of course it's Kai who has to go to the rescue when things get out of hand...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Cry in the Dark

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to all the wonderful folks on the annual WriSoMiFu community, who made me write every day and are thus responsible for the fact that this story is not still stuck somewhere in chapter three. Cheers, all of you. I wonder what you'll make me write next year?

The air in the stable yard is thick with dust and alive with eager flies, whose buzzing can be heard even above the noise of Llud’s hammer.  
   
‘Kai!’ Llud flings up an arm in greeting as his elder son passes the gate. ‘Give us a hand here, would you? I want to get this finished before dark.’  
   
Kai goes willingly to Llud’s side, to hold the new section of railing straight while Llud knocks the wooden pegs expertly into place to hold the joint firm.  
   
‘Where’s your brother?’ Llud asks, wiping sweat from his brow and bending to pick up the next piece of wood.  
   
Kai sighs. ‘I have no idea. Gone off somewhere with Rhydian and that lot, I expect.’  
   
‘Making hay while the sun shines.’ Llud shakes his head. ‘It’s as though he feels he has to make the most of his last summer as a boy. But I tell you, Kai, if he’s up to one more madcap prank, I’ll have the hide off him, future leader or no… A bit higher there, I think… Thank you.’  
   
The mallet knocks out a sober rhythm on the wood. Kai knows from bitter experience that Llud’s belt will be wielded with equally methodical competence. He heaves another sigh; he hates it when Arthur must be beaten, even though their father never metes out punishment without just cause.  
   
‘Perhaps they’ve just gone swimming,’ Kai says.  
   
Llud stops hammering, and leans on the new railing. He looks at Kai.  
   
‘Didn’t they ask you to go with them?’  
   
Kai laughs ruefully. ‘I’m not wanted on their escapades. I’m of age, for a start, and they see me as your spy. And I’m Saxon, for another thing, and they never let me forget it.’  
   
‘It never made any difference to me,’ Llud says. ‘Nor does it to Arthur – I hope.’  
   
‘No,’ Kai says, feeling an ache in his throat. ‘Not to Arthur, when he is alone. But to his new friends, it does. And at the moment, their word weighs heavier with him than yours or mine.’  
   
Llud looks up at the mellowing afternoon sky. ‘They’re just a leaderless bunch of youngsters,’ he says, ‘for all Arthur is their future chieftain. They do not see him so, and despite all I’ve taught him, he has neither the strength nor the will to make them follow, yet. It’s the blind leading the blind… and I’m afraid they may all fall into the ditch together.’  
   
‘Nothing I can do about it,’ Kai snaps.  
   
‘He needs you,’ Llud says gently.  
   
Kai shakes his head vehemently.  
   
‘He does,’ Llud persists. ‘He may not know it yet, but he does.’ He straightens his back. ‘And he’s been off the leash for long enough, for today. Chieftain or no, he still has chores to do before the nightmeal. Go and find him.’  
   
‘I’m his brother, not his nursemaid,’ Kai says, frowning. He grinds his teeth, angry with himself and with Arthur – and with Llud, too, for seeing more of Kai’s hurt than Kai meant to reveal.  
   
‘Something tells me all may not be well,’ Llud says. ‘The wind’s changing, and my old hunter’s nose smells trouble. Go and fetch him home.’  
   
‘I’m sure he’s fine.’ Kai hunches his shoulders. ‘Let him find his own way.’  
   
Llud lays his good hand on Kai’s arm. ‘Do it for me, Kai. Set aside your hurt pride. I know he’s behaving like an idiot at the moment, but he’s your brother, when all’s said and done. And if you find him, and he turns you away… I’ll permit you to say “I told you so”. Just this once.’  
   
A smile twists Kai’s lips in spite of himself. ‘Very well,’ he says. ‘I’ll see what I can do.’  
   
So Kai goes striding out of the eastern gate, headed for a grassy clearing in the forest where he knows Arthur and his friends frequently choose to spend their time – drinking, or bragging, or putting one another up to pointless dares.  
   
The sun is low on the rim of the valley, and the forest is growing darker and gloomier by the minute; the blackbirds are going to roost with their usual fuss and alarm calls, and pale moths flitter between the trees.  
   
There are faint sounds of voices in the distance now: it seems to Kai that they are raised in argument. He grips his axe haft and lengthens his stride, hoping there isn’t yet another fight going on.  
   
Then a single voice cries out, louder than all the rest.  
   
Kai’s heart misses a beat, and a chill sweat breaks out all over him. He has never heard the like – it sounded scarcely human.  
   
The sound comes again.  
   
A dreadful shriek of utter terror… and this time, he knows it for Arthur’s voice.  
   
Kai starts to run.


	2. Through a Glass Darkly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something strange has happened to Arthur.

Kai hurls himself frantically through the dark wet forest, stumbling and cursing, brambles catching at his clothes and unseen twigs whipping viciously at his face.  
   
‘Arthur!’ he calls. ‘Arthur, where are you?’  
   
There is no reply. Kai plunges on, in the direction he thinks the sound came from: down the slope, towards the river. His heart is pounding, and his breath is rasping in his throat.  
   
What can it be, to have frightened Arthur like that? Proud, stubborn Arthur, who never admits to being afraid of anything?  
   
His foot catches on a loose stone, and he tumbles forwards into a clearing. A faint light still hangs in the sky, and as he looks up, gasping, he can just make out someone fleeing into the trees on the far side.  
   
A pale face, a shock of black hair –  
   
 ‘Arthur, wait –’  
   
But the figure is gone, staggering into the darkness between the oak trunks. Kai heaves himself to his feet and gives chase, hearing his quarry crash through the underbrush. Then there is a despairing cry, and the thump of a body falling flat on the ground, hard.  
   
Fear gives Kai speed. He is there in a few strides – and stops dead.  
   
Arthur is cowering at the foot of a great oak tree, one arm flung up to protect his head. His face is very white in the gloaming, and he has lost his cloak. A dark stain is spreading across one side of his blue tunic; there is more blood on his forehead.  
   
‘Get away from me!’ he whimpers, as Kai stands there at a loss. ‘No – no more – please, no more – ’  
   
Kai takes a few steps towards him. ‘Arthur,’ he says. ‘Arthur, it’s me. It’s Kai.’  
   
Arthur is shaking from head to foot; he shuffles backwards, until he is pressed against the roots of the tree. His eyes are open, but they are glazed: staring at some point behind Kai.  
   
‘I don’t know you,’ he says, in a strange high voice, and passes his hand across his eyes as though to brush away a cobweb that obscures his vision. ‘I can’t see your face. It’s covered with flies. They’ll eat you away, until you’re just bones. White bones. Like the others.’  
   
‘What others?’ Kai asks, struggling to keep his voice calm. This strange not-quite-Arthur is frightening. Perhaps he hit his head when he fell. Or maybe he is under a curse…  
   
‘The ones behind you,’ Arthur whispers, still staring, looking right through Kai. ‘Are you – are you one of _them_?’  
   
Despite his fear, Kai steps closer. He can hear Arthur’s teeth chattering, and the rustle of dead leaves as Arthur’s body shudders and trembles. Llud’s words resound in Kai’s ears: ‘He needs you… He may not know it yet, but he does…’  
   
Kai’s head clears, and he knows what he has to do.  
   
‘No,’ he says gently. ‘No, I am not one of them. I’m here to help you. I’ll keep them away from you.’  
   
‘My mother said that too,’ Arthur says. He chokes on a sob. ‘I cried out, to warn her. But she closed her eyes, and _they_ took her. They made the flies eat all her flesh away, and then her bones, and now I can’t see her any more. That’s twice I’ve lost her. And now I’ll lose you.’  
   
‘You’re not going to lose me,’ Kai says.  
‘Not if I keep my eyes open.’  
‘Not even if you shut them.’ Kai is very close now; he crouches down in front of Arthur. ‘Now you listen to me. I am Kai, and I’m your brother. You don’t seem to remember me, but I know you. You are Arthur.’  
‘I don’t know who I am.’ Arthur is on the verge of panic, his voice high-pitched and wavering. ‘Am I… am I dead?’  
‘No,’ Kai says. ‘Give me your hand… Good, that’s good. Feel that? It’s real, and solid. And so is yours. We’re not ghosts. We’re not like _them_. Keep hold of me now, and I’ll keep you safe.’  
   
Arthur’s hand is warm and sweaty. He clings to Kai as a drowning man clings to a lifeline. His eyes look black in the faint light, their pupils wide and empty.  
   
‘Don’t let go,’ he whispers. ‘Don’t let them take me away.’  
   
‘I won’t,’ Kai says. ‘I’m going to sit right here, right next to you. Nothing’s going to harm you.’  
   
He settles himself next to Arthur, their backs against the bole of the oak tree.  
   
Arthur is twitchy and anxious, breathing fast, staring out into the clearing at the things Kai cannot see.  
   
Kai sits quietly and watches Arthur, wondering how long it is since he last held Arthur’s hand in his; trying to remember when it was that he started wanting more.  
   
Arthur is still so young, so slight and fragile-looking, the curve of his throat still pure and elegant, his cheek and jaw barely downy as yet, although he shaves assiduously for the sake of pride. Kai wants to protect him. No, damn it, Kai wants to lay him out on his bed and strip the clothes and the pride from him in one swift move, and take that slender body, couple with it, hear Arthur cry out in ecstasy…  
   
The dark fall of Arthur’s hair tumbles aside as Arthur moves his head nervously, and Kai sees blood glisten on his forehead.  
   
‘You’ve injured yourself,’ Kai says.  
   
‘I ran into the tree. It’s all right. It doesn’t hurt.’ Arthur pushes the hair out of his eyes with an impatient gesture.  
‘And what about your side?’ Kai asks. ‘Was that when you fell?’  
‘I don’t remember,’ Arthur says flatly.  
‘Does it hurt?’  
‘Stop asking questions. Why all the questions?’ Arthur sounds panicky again, and Kai curses himself.  
‘It’s all right,’ he says, and puts an arm around Arthur’s shoulders. Arthur holds himself rigid for a moment, as though considering flight; then he makes a small noise that might be a sob, or a rueful half-laugh, and settles himself against Kai’s side.  
‘I can’t tell you too much,’ he says. ‘If I do, _they_ will hear.’  
‘Not if you whisper in my ear,’ Kai tells him.  
   
Arthur is quiet for a few moments, considering.  
   
‘It does hurt,’ he whispers.  
‘Did _they_ hear that?’ Kai whispers back.  
Arthur listens to the night-sounds around them, and finally leans still closer to Kai, and whispers, ‘No.’  
‘Good. So tell me where it hurts, and maybe I can help you.’  
   
There is a pause, then –‘Mother,’ Arthur says, and his voice is filled with desolate longing.  
‘What, can you see her again?’  
Arthur shakes his head. ‘She’s not here now.’  
   
This time it is definitely a sob.  
   
‘You said you’d lost her…’ Kai whispers.  
   
‘That’s what hurts.’ Arthur heaves a harsh breath. ‘She was the most beautiful woman in the world, and I’ll never love another. Tall and slender and pale, with a cloud of hair as dark as the night…’  
   
Arthur has never spoken to Kai about his mother; never.  
   
‘She had to leave us, she had to go away to find my father. She was broken without him, broken beyond mending, I tried to make it up to her, tried to love her with all my heart, and I did, Kai, I did – but – but it wasn’t enough.’ He is shaking with sobs now, not troubling to lower his voice. ‘I failed her, I couldn’t take his place…’  
   
 ‘Of course you couldn’t,’ Kai says, gently. ‘You were – you are – her son. And she loved you as her son, as much as any mother could love her boy. Of course she did. And you loved her. But you asked too much of yourself, and of her, by trying to take her husband’s place.’ He strokes Arthur’s hair. ‘One day you’ll have a love of your own, the person who is your whole world, and you’ll understand.’  
   
Arthur buries his face in Kai’s neck, and clings to him.  
   
‘I want to understand,’ he says. ‘Nothing makes sense any more. I don’t even know how long I’ve been here, or where I went after my mother went away.’ He shakes his head. ‘But I do know one thing. No, two things.’  
   
‘And what are those?’  
   
‘You’re Kai. And I’m glad you’re here.’


	3. To Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur is in a bad way. Kai takes care of him.

The wind freshens a little, sighing in the branches above them. Arthur fidgets, and turns his head this way and that; Kai’s cloak slips down from  his shoulder.  
   
‘What is it?’ Kai asks. ‘More flies?’  
   
‘No. The bones are turned to dust, and the flies have gone. The wind blew them all away. But the trees are moving. Floating about.’  
‘They are not.’ Kai furls his cloak back around Arthur.  
‘They are. They’re swimming. Seas of trees, blowing in the breeze…’  
   
Arthur sounds distant now, wandering in some vague dream. Kai is still concerned; Arthur is still not himself. But at least he is no longer in the grip of blind panic, or hopeless tears.  
   
Kai holds him firmly. ‘Your head is swimming, maybe. But the trees are not.’  
‘Oh, but they are.’ Arthur puts his hands to his head. ‘Make them stop, Kai. Tell them to be still. They’re making me seasick.’ He retches.  
   
‘Shut your eyes,’ Kai tells him.  
   
‘It’s no good. I can still see them. Feel them. And my head is splitting. Please… make it stop…’  
   
He twists away from Kai’s supporting arm and is violently and messily sick into the leaves beside them. ‘Make it stop…’  he moans, coughing and drooling,  but Kai can do little to help, beyond holding Arthur’s hair out of the way.  
   
When it’s over, Arthur subsides against the tree, and rubs his sleeve clumsily across his face.  
   
The sour smell of the vomit turns Kai’s stomach. ‘We should move,’ he says, scrambling up.  
Arthur stiffens in alarm. ‘Don’t leave me.’  
‘I’m not going to. But I’m going to take you somewhere else. Somewhere clean, and with better shelter. So you’ll have to get up, and come with me.’  
‘I can’t.’  
‘Yes, you can. Try.’  
Arthur tries to stand, but as soon as he moves, he moans in distress, then doubles up and begins to heave again. Then he slumps exhaustedly, his head resting on his knees.  
‘I can’t, Kai.’  
Kai puts a hand on his shoulder. ‘Arthur, I’m sorry, but we have to leave here,’ he says. ‘I’ll help you.’  
   
Kai grips Arthur’s arm and hauls him bodily to his feet. Arthur is limp and trembling; he sways and almost falls, and Kai reaches out to steady him, wrapping an arm about Arthur’s waist and pulling him close. Arthur shrinks back, but not before Kai has felt the tepid, sodden state of Arthur’s breeches…  
   
‘Oh, no,’ Kai says softly. ‘Not that too.’  
   
Arthur chokes back a sob, and turns his head away. ‘Trust you to find it out.’  
   
‘It’s all right,’ Kai tells him. ‘You were terrified out of your wits. I’d probably have done the same.’ He huffs out a half-laugh. ‘I’ve seen plenty of grown warriors piss themselves on the battlefield, believe you me.’  
   
‘It is _not_ all right,’ Arthur retorts, his voice taut with humiliation and rage. ‘I can’t go home like this.’  
   
‘You can’t stay out all night like this,’ Kai says, and puts his arm around Arthur again. ‘What, are you going to pluck dry clothes from one of these dancing trees, and ask the wolves to lick you clean? I’ve no water, and nothing to see to these wounds, and it’s getting cold. We have to get you back to the village.’  
‘To have everyone know my shame?’  
‘I promise I won’t breathe a word. And it’s dark, no-one will see. I’ll help you, when we get there. Nobody else need ever know.’  
   
Arthur droops against Kai’s side; he swallows hard.  
‘Help me, Kai,’ he says, in a small voice. ‘I want to go home.’  
   
Kai holds Arthur tight for a moment, and ruffles his hair, as Arthur used to let him do when they were younger. ‘Come on, then,’ he says. ‘We’ll go together.’  
   
~~~  
   
It seems a very long way back to the village, but at last the trees thin out, and the familiar bulk of the Longhouse looms beyond the palisade. A glimmer of torchlight shows through a chink in the doors: a promise of warmth and safety.  
   
Kai is exhausted – and it is not just weariness that is making his heart pound and his breath come short. He is desperately afraid that whatever is wrong with Arthur may be beyond even Llud’s skills to put right.  
   
They have had to stop twice for Arthur to throw up; the second time, it was almost impossible to get him to his feet again. Now Arthur is stumbling and muttering to himself, and Kai is half-carrying him, urging him along with soft words.  
   
The sentry on the gate comes to meet them, leaving a trail of dark footprints across the moonlit grass.  
   
‘Thank the gods!’ he says. ‘We were beginning to fear the worst.’  
Arthur rouses himself enough to ask blearily: ‘The others…?’  
‘All gathered in, one way or another. But when you didn’t return…’  
He goes to take Arthur’s other arm, but Kai forestalls him. ‘I can manage,’ he says. ‘He’s the worse for drink, is all. Needs to sleep it off. I’ll get him up to the Longhouse. But if you’d go and tell Llud we’re back, I’d be grateful. You’ll get there quicker than we will.’  
‘Very well, my lord.’ The sentry strides off through the gate.  
‘Thank you, Kai,’ Arthur murmurs.  
‘Nearly home,’ Kai says. ‘A few more steps, that’s all. Lean on me, now…’  
   
Arthur is already practically asleep when Kai finally lowers him onto his bed in the Longhouse. He makes no effort to help, as Kai pulls off his mud-caked boots for him; just lies there shivering.  
   
Kai flings the boots aside, and pulls the nearest sheepskin over Arthur, to keep him warm while Kai builds up the fire and lights more torches. Then he fills a cup with water and brings it back to the bedside.  
   
But Arthur is unwilling to drink. He turns his head away when Kai proffers the cup; so Kai puts it on the table, and comes to stand by Arthur, uncertain what he should do next.  
   
Kai feels dread whimpering up from the pit of his stomach. Arthur looks terrible. His skin is deathly pallid; his eyes have rolled back into his head, showing the whites. Spittle is dribbling from the corner of his mouth as he mumbles vaguely, lost in a world of his own.  
   
There is a muttering of hushed voices in the hall, and in comes Llud, looking careworn and weary. He is holding one of the healer’s potion flasks in his good hand, and sets it carefully on the table before striding across to the bed to grip Kai’s arm and then pull him into a warm embrace.  
   
‘Well done, my son,’ Llud says. ‘Well done.’  
   
Kai feels tears pricking at his eyelids as he leans gratefully on Llud’s strong shoulder. But the comfort lasts only a moment. Llud’s younger son needs him more.  
   
Llud leans over Arthur; lays his ear to Arthur’s chest, to listen to his heart and his breathing; feels his forehead. Then he straightens up, and to Kai’s immense relief, he is smiling. A thin, rather tired smile, true, but a smile none the less.  
   
‘Could be worse,’ he says. ‘Some of the others were touch and go. But he seems to be over the worst of it. He’ll recover, in time.’  
   
‘What happened to him?’ Kai’s knees feel suddenly weak; he sits down heavily on a stool.  
   
Llud goes over to the table and pours the healing draught into the cup; mixes it carefully with a horn spoon. ‘Poisoned,’ he says, and kneels beside the bed. ‘Here, give me a hand. We need to get it all down him – if we can.’  
   
Together they lift Arthur into a half-sitting position, and Llud coaxes about half of the liquid into Arthur’s mouth before Arthur moans in distress and twists his head away.  
   
‘That’s enough,’ Kai says. ‘For pity’s sake, Llud. Give him a minute. Let him rest.’  
   
Llud looks sharply at Kai; then his expression softens, and he lets Arthur sink back onto the bed, and puts the cup back on the table.  
   
‘You’ve had a bad night too,’ he says gently.  
   
‘Please,’ Kai says. ‘You say he’s been poisoned. Poisoned by whom? By what?’  
   
Llud gives an ironic snort. ‘By his own stupidity, for the most part.’  
   
‘I have to know.’ Kai shakes his head, trying to rid himself of the evil memories. ‘Llud, he was – he was _seeing_ things. Things I couldn’t see. Has he been bewitched? Will he come back to us?’  
   
‘No,’ Llud says. ‘And yes – yes, what is it?  
   
This last is to the doorwarden, who has just coughed apologetically. ‘My lord, the healer sent me to find you. Rhydian’s arm is ready to be set, and she needs you. She can’t manage him with only little Lenni to help her…’  
   
‘And his mother’s no use, I’ll wager,’ Llud says, his eyes twinkling. ‘All fuss and clucking, as though he were five years old. Very well. I’ll come.’ He turns to Kai. ‘I’ll be back as soon as I can. Get some of the others from out in the hall to help you clean your brother up. He looks as though he’s been through a bush backwards.’  
   
‘Several bushes,’ Kai says, with absolute seriousness. Llud gives a bark of laughter and claps him on the shoulder, then turns to follow the doorwarden out of the room.  
   
Mindful of his word to Arthur, Kai calls no-one else to help, but simply fetches water and cloths and does what is needful.  
   
It is hard to know where to start. Arthur’s forehead is crusted with blood, and when Kai strips him of his reeking, filthy clothing he finds several shallow grazes on his ribs, and a nasty-looking cut gaping open on his belly.  
   
Kai grits his teeth and sets about cleaning up the worst of it.  
   
Arthur lies quiet and passive under his hands. The draught seems to have calmed him, and his harsh breathing has eased, though he is still terribly white, and his skin is clammy to touch.  
   
At any other time, Kai would take pleasure in this: in having Arthur’s slim hard body naked to his gaze, in having license to touch and cleanse and cherish. But the pleasure is tinged with dread.  
   
What if Llud is wrong? What if Arthur is left permanently scarred, in mind as well as in flesh?  
   
Kai shies away from the thought that he may be losing the Arthur he loves, perhaps forever; that he may never have the chance to tell him the truth; that he may never see him like this again.  
   
He tries to memorise every detail, every line and plane of Arthur’s skin, the rise and fall of his chest, the thudding of his heart, the musk of his sweat… even the smell of piss, that made Arthur so ashamed, yes, even that is dear to Kai tonight…  
   
He leaves washing Arthur’s face until the very last, and he lingers over the task, being as gentle as he can. The dark, dirty scabs on Arthur’s forehead take a long time to clean, all dried and hard as they are, and with tangled wisps of Arthur’s dark hair sticking to them; but with much patient dabbing Kai manages to soften them and lift them away, and is pleased to see that after all, the cut on Arthur’s brow is not as deep nor as jagged as all that blood had suggested.  
   
Carefully, he dries the skin and moves Arthur’s fringe aside from the wound. He cannot resist bending over to kiss Arthur’s temple – no more than a light brush of lips, though it sets Kai’s heart racing – then sits up in panic, in case Arthur has felt it, and is offended.  
   
But Arthur’s eyes are still tight shut; he is breathing deeply, as though in sleep. Kai settles him on a clean fleece and puts a blanket over him, then sits beside the bed and holds Arthur’s hand again as he waits for Llud to return.  
   
After what seems a lifetime of anxiety to Kai, Arthur’s racing, fluttering heartbeat slows and steadies, and a little colour returns to his marble cheek.  
   
Arthur seems peaceful, and Kai dares to leave him for a few minutes – just long enough to visit the privy and get himself into clean clothes. He is filthy and sweaty, and everything still seems to smell of vomit, but now is not the time for bathing. He bundles all of their dirty linen into the furthest corner of the bedchamber, then goes back to sit by the bed and keep vigil over Arthur, who has not stirred.  
   
At last Llud comes back, smothering a yawn as he closes the door behind him. ‘That’s one young idiot taken care of,’ he says. ‘Now, let’s see about this one.’  
Kai peels back the bedcovering, just enough to show Llud the wound on Arthur’s stomach. Llud looks carefully; probes around it with his fingertips. Arthur quivers slightly, but does not wake.  
‘You’ve done a good job of cleaning this,’ Llud says.  
‘It needs binding.’  
Oh, it’ll do until the morning. Let’s not disturb him now.’  
   
Satisfied, Llud nods to Kai to replace the coverings. Kai knows he should not be looking at Arthur like this, not now, but he can’t help himself: there is the tempting dimple of Arthur’s navel, and the line of dark hair that leads down from it, across the pale, bruised skin and into the darkness where his sharp hipbones are lifting the blanket…  
   
Kai pulls the covers hastily back into place; his steps are a little unsteady as he goes to join Llud at the table.  
   
Llud looks up from pouring the mead, and asks: ‘When did you last eat?’  
   
Kai realises he is ravenous. He shakes his head. ‘I can’t remember.’  
   
‘Sit down before you fall down,’ Llud says, and guides him firmly to the nearest bench. He pushes a cup of mead into Kai’s hand, and goes into the hall, returning with a platter of bread and cold meats.  
   
The smell of the food makes Kai’s mouth water. But anxiety gnaws at him, worse than his hunger.  
   
‘Llud,’ he says. ‘Please. What is wrong with Arthur?’  
   
‘Eat first.’  
   
‘I can eat and listen at the same time,’ Kai ventures.  
   
Llud smiles. ‘You always did have an answer for everything. Very well. You eat, and I’ll talk, and we’ll both drink, and maybe by the end of it we’ll all three of us be feeling a little better.’  
   
So Kai pitches in, and Llud takes a long drink, then sets the cup down with a sharp clink.  
   
‘Set your mind at rest,’ he says. ‘What ails your brother is nothing magical. He is under no curse, save perhaps that of being a boy already burdened with a man’s cares. And there are no ghosts or demons out there in the forest, except the ones from his own mind. No, the explanation is far simpler.’  
   
And from his pocket he takes a small packet of folded cloth.  
   
‘That pea-brain Rhydian came staggering home with a broken arm, about an hour after you left,’ he says. ‘This fell out of his tunic when the healer stripped him. He must have thought to save some for later.’  
   
He unfolds the wrapping to reveal a handful of shrivelled, brown things. Spindly, crumpled stalks with tiny pointed caps at the top –  
   
‘Mushrooms?’ Kai says. ‘Is that all?’  
   
Llud nods.  ‘They don’t look like much, do they? And they’re all over the place at this time of year. Most will do you no harm, but these – ’  
   
‘Are these the ones you warned us about? The year the river flooded?’  
‘The same. Just a few can be enough to un-man the strongest warrior. They say the druids eat them, to give them visions. As far as I’m concerned, the druids are welcome to them. They make you see things that aren’t there, and do things that make no sense.’  
   
‘Like being drunk,’ Kai says.  
‘But worse.’ Llud’s face is grim. ‘You might believe that you can fly, and so throw yourself off a cliff. Or that you can walk on water, and end up drowned. Or you might see monsters, and injure yourself while fleeing in terror...’  
   
‘He was afraid,’ Kai says, glancing across to Arthur’s bed.  
   
‘I’m not surprised. I once knew a boy who believed that invisible enemies were pursuing him, and that if he slept, they would creep up and slit his throat. He kept himself awake for three days and nights, in constant fear. By the end of it, he was raving in a fever – didn’t even know his own father. No, those things are best steered clear of. As I’ve always told you both.’  
   
‘How did Arthur and the others come to be eating them, then?’  
   
Llud heaves an exasperated sigh, and refills his cup. ‘Idiots. Turns out they’d dared one another to eat them. I got that much out of Rhydian. And then apparently he and Arthur had an argument of some sort before Arthur stormed off…’  
   
‘I heard shouting,’ Kai says.  
   
Llud snorts. ‘Youthful pride. I’m just thankful none of them was carrying a weapon, and it was no more than harsh words and hot air. None of them recalls it clearly – the poison was beginning to affect them all, by then. And when they came staggering into the village by ones and twos, dribbling and moaning, we had a lot of work to do in the healer’s hut, and it was a while before we realised that Arthur hadn’t come home too.’  
   
‘You said it was the blind leading the blind,’ Kai says. ‘And Arthur was gone for hours. You must have been worried sick.’  
   
‘I wasn’t worried.’ Llud smiles, and leans across the table to lay his good hand on Kai’s arm. ‘I hoped – no – I _knew_ that you would be with him. And that you would bring him safely home.’


	4. The Darkest Hour is Just Before Dawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur is not a happy bunny when he wakes up.

Kai is awakened by the buzz and tickle of a fat fly landing somewhere near his left ear. He half-opens his eyes, swats at it, and groans, wanting nothing more than to sink back into the warm womb of sleep; but something isn’t right. He forces his eyes open, and looks up at the longhouse thatch. Sunlight filtering through – must be late morning. Wait. The beams. The beams are not in their right places.  
   
Someone has moved his bed  – pulled it right near Arthur’s –  
   
Arthur.  
   
Memories of last night come flooding back, and with them the sharp bite of anxiety, and now Kai is fully awake.  
   
He sits up, and looks across at the other bed.  
   
Arthur is lying on his side, still fast asleep; Kai heaves a breath of relief.  
   
The blanket has slipped off Arthur’s shoulder, and one hand is dangling over the side of the bed; Kai reaches out and touches it, to reassure himself. Arthur does not stir. His hand feels warm, and no longer feverishly damp. Kai longs to raise it to his lips. He doesn’t dare, but contents himself with looking, and looking…  
   
The cut on Arthur’s brow, half-hidden by the silky richness of his hair, is mending already, but there is a blue bruise on his cheekbone that wasn’t visible last night. His long dark lashes are flickering as he dreams – Kai hopes fervently that they are good dreams, that no monsters are pursuing him. A steady pulse is beating in his neck, and it draws Kai’s eye to the hollow of Arthur’s collarbone, and then to where the blanket has fallen away, revealing his small nipples with their neat pink halos and just a few black hairs beginning to show around them. A bead of sweat glistens on the pale skin.  
   
Kai feels sweat break out on his own chest, and his cock growing half-hard even as he shies away from the thought of taking those tempting buds with his tongue and feeling them rise to his touch, of being so close that he can hear Arthur’s heart beating…  
   
The door of the bedchamber creaks open, admitting Llud, a waft of woodsmoke and a great flood of bright sunshine.  
   
Kai sits up hastily, and pulls the sheepskins over himself.  
   
‘Ah, good, you’re awake. I’ll need your help.’ Llud hands Kai a hunk of bread and then bustles about the room, brisk and practical, although he still looks tired. Kai wonders whether he came to bed last night at all. ‘Eat first. Then we must bind this wound.’  
   
Kai forces down a mouthful or two as he watches Llud turn Arthur onto his back and fold down the blanket. Arthur makes a small complaining sound, but his eyes stay tight shut.  
   
‘Wouldn’t we be better to wake him, first?’ Kai says.  
‘We shouldn’t try,’ Llud replies. ‘He’ll sleep for hours yet.’  
   
Kai sets the food aside – it’s choking him. ‘But what if –’ He is on his feet now, trembling with worry. ‘What if we can’t wake him? What if he never wakes?’  
   
Llud straightens up, and puts a heavy hand on Kai’s shoulder. ‘He will. Soon enough.’  
‘But if he doesn’t…’  
‘It will pass,’ Llud says, and gives Kai an affectionate shake. ‘I know you don’t believe me. But this old warrior’s seen a few strong men laid low by those little brown devils, and all have lived to tell the tale. Come now. Your getting into a panic won’t help your brother – or me. And now this minute we both need you.’  
   
Arthur moans again as they turn him over to wrap the bandages around his waist, but still he does not wake. Kai catches a glimpse of smooth plump buttocks beneath the blanket; breathes in Arthur’s warm scent, and is slightly comforted.  
   
‘There.’ Llud wipes his brow. ‘That should do until tomorrow.’ He looks at Kai, and his grey eyes are kind. ‘Try not to fret,’ he says. ‘He will recover, although…’  
   
‘What?’ Kai’s stomach clenches.  
   
‘He will take it hard,’ Llud says. ‘In his mind, I mean.  The poison in these things is subtle – it goes on working for quite a while, in ways that are not apparent to the eye.’  
   
‘So he will be – what? Angry? Sorrowful? Afraid?’  
‘Perhaps all of those. Impossible to tell, yet. But it will very likely make him feel more remorse about this than about many another youthful rashness that was in truth more deserving of punishment. He will need all your patience – if you are angry with him, try not to say so.’  
   
Kai shakes his head. ‘He was foolish, yes, but…  I just want him to get better. I am not angry with him.’  
‘I am.’ Llud’s mouth sets in a thin line. ‘He forgot, or chose to forget, who and what he is. And that is a luxury he cannot afford. He must be our leader, and soon.’  
   
‘It weighs heavy on him,’ Kai says. ‘He’s still so young.’  
Llud shakes his head. ‘Then it is up to you and me to make a man of him.’  
‘And to lighten the weight a little, whenever we can,’ Kai says.  
   
Llud looks up, and allows himself to smile. ‘He is fortunate at least in this, that he has a brother and right-hand man so loyal and forbearing,’ he says.  
Kai smiles back, reassured by his stepfather’s calm. ‘He tested that loyalty quite severely last night. I might not be quite so forbearing the next time he throws up on me and then has to be carried home...’  
   
‘Get on with you.’ Llud cuffs Kai lightly on the ear. ‘I can’t see you ever leaving him in the ditch.’ He gets up and heads for the door. ‘Now, I’m going to see how the others are doing. And I’ll ask the healer for another draught for Arthur – no, no, you stay there and rest. I’ll send her over with it, or bring it myself. There’s no hurry. He’ll be asleep for hours yet.’  
   
***  
   
Some while later Kai is roused from an uneasy doze by a tap on the door. He opens it, yawning, but it’s not the healer – it’s her daughter Lenni, short and plump, her dark eyes radiating sympathy and concern.  
   
She takes her duties as assistant healer very seriously, and is already known to have real skill, even though she can’t speak a word. She has brought another potion; her flickering fingers sign that it is for Arthur to drink when he wakes.  
   
Kai takes the cup from her with stumbling words of thanks, and puts it on the table. Lenni goes to Arthur’s bedside; leans over and listens to his heart, just as Llud did, and Kai longs to do.  
   
‘Llud and I bound his injury,’ Kai says, and shows her.  
   
She smiles, and signs that Arthur is in good hands. Then she is asking whether Kai himself is hurt, and although he denies it, she wants to be sure.  
   
‘I’m fine,’ he says. Suddenly uneasy under her unwavering scrutiny,  he wishes he’d thought to pull his tunic back on again before opening the door. ‘Arthur’s the one who was poisoned, not me… Well, yes, I do have a bruise there, he fell over and took me with him, and there was a rock… No, it doesn’t hurt… not there, either… My shoulder? Stiff, that’s all. He’s a heavy weight to have hanging round your neck… Mmmm, that’s good… that’s right where it’s sore…’  
   
She is standing very close behind him now, reaching up to knead the muscles behind his left shoulder blade. He can feel her warmth against his back, the curve of her belly against his arse…  
   
Her fingers falter and stop. Kai turns around to thank her; puts his hands on her shoulders.  
   
She looks up, her brown eyes wide and frankly adoring. Kai is entranced. This is not the little slip of a girl-child he’s always known. She is a young woman now, and a very pretty one, her pert breasts firm and full under her blue tunic. Kai feels himself stiffening… and she is looking at him as though she never wants to look at anything else…  
   
Arthur mumbles something in his dreams, and the spell is broken. Kai swings round instantly, and when he sees that Arthur is still sleeping, he looks back at Lenni before she is ready for him…  
   
He sees her heart break in that instant, and is grieved for her.  
   
He could lie, but he knows she would not believe him. And she deserves better than that.  
   
‘I’m sorry, sweetheart,’ he says. That’s… just how it is. I had no choice. You’ve always been a true and good friend to me. But my heart…’  
   
Is Arthur’s, he was going to say, but she lays a finger to his lips, and then to her own: she will tell no-one.  
   
She looks at Arthur, then at Kai, and her eyes ask the question. Kai shakes his head.  
   
‘He does not know,’ he says, on the verge of tears.  
   
She puts her arms around him and holds him tight, and they both weep a little.  
   
Then she raises her chin in the determined way he knows so well; kisses him chastely on the cheek, and is gone.  
   
Arthur sleeps on, and the sun rises higher in the sky outside.  
   
***  
   
It is growing hot and stuffy in the room; Kai walks over to the door and pulls it wide open, to let in some air.  
   
‘No…’  
   
Kai swings round. Arthur is groaning, holding an arm over his face to shield his eyes from the sunlight.  
‘Too bright,’ he says. Feebly, he swats at a fly that is buzzing over the bed. ‘Damn thing…’  
Kai shuts the door, blinking as his eyes re-adjust to the muted light. The fly buzzes on, and Arthur curses as he misses it again.  
‘Arthur.’ Kai finishes off the fly with a nicely timed flick of a discarded wash-cloth. ‘Welcome back.’  
   
Arthur grunts savagely, kicks off the blankets and tries to sit up.  
   
Kai goes to stand beside him, to help him. Arthur looks down at himself and realises he’s naked. He looks briefly fearful, then his brow clouds with anger. ‘Who –’  
‘None but I,’ Kai tells him, and puts a hand on Arthur’s shoulder. ‘I cleaned you up myself. Nobody else knows. Don’t worry.’  
   
‘I’m not worried,’ Arthur snaps, shaking off Kai’s hand. ‘Get off me. I can manage.’  
He hauls himself upright and sits propped against the wall at the head of the bed, eyes closed, breathing rapidly. Sweat beads his forehead.  
   
‘There’s food here, if you want it,’ Kai says.  
‘I don’t.’  
‘A drink, then.’  
‘No.’  
‘But you –’  
‘I said no.’ Arthur puts his hands to his head. ‘My head’s splitting. Leave me alone.’  
Kai picks up the cup that Lenni brought. ‘The healer sent a draught for you. Perhaps it’ll help.’  
‘I don’t want it.’  
‘Very well,’ Kai says, and puts the cup back on the table. ‘Shall I go and find Llud?’  
‘Yes. _No_. No, I don’t want to talk to him. Not yet. He must think –’  
‘That you behaved like an idiot? Well, yes, I expect he does. But he’ll wait until you’re feeling better, to say so.’  
‘He might have to wait a long time.’ Arthur half-opens his eyes, as though even the dim light is hurting them, and frowns at Kai.  
‘It’s early days yet,’ Kai says. He fetches the slop pail from beside the door, and puts it down beside the bed. ‘Now – are you going to let me help you with this, or shall I just go away and come back later to pick you up off the floor?’  
   
It is a blow to Arthur’s pride when his legs prove too unsteady to hold him, and he is forced to accept Kai’s assistance. Kai has to remind himself of Llud’s admonition more than once, as Arthur curses and complains... But at last it’s over for the time being, and Arthur is once more propped against the head of the bed.  
   
‘Here.’ Kai holds out the cup.  
‘I told you, I don’t… oh, very well, if it’ll shut you up…’ Arthur forces down the draught, pulling a face, then hands back the empty cup. ‘Now stop fussing, and leave me in peace.’  
   
He lies down as though to sleep, but tosses and turns on the bed like a dog that has too little straw in its kennel.  
   
‘What’s wrong?’ Kai says. ‘You need another pillow?’  
Arthur pulls the fleece out from under his head and flings it to the floor. ‘Yes – one that doesn’t smell.’  
Kai picks it up, and sniffs. ‘This one’s quite clean.’  
‘It smells. I smell. Everything in here stinks.’  
‘Here, have mine.’  
‘I can still smell it.’  
‘Smell what?’  
   
Arthur sits up again, and looks around the room. ‘What did you do with my clothes, last night?’  
‘They’re in the corner,’ Kai says, ‘with mine. There wasn’t time to –’  
‘They need washing.’  
‘I’ll get them washed. Tomorrow, maybe. Everyone’s busy today. There are others who are sick too, you know.’  
‘They need washing. Now. They’re stinking the place out.’  
   
Kai’s patience finally snaps. ‘Very well,’ he says, snatching up the bundle from the floor. ‘If that’s what you need me to do –’  
   
He chokes back the remainder of his angry words, and strides out into the hall, pulling the door of the bedchamber firmly shut behind him.  
   
The yard is pretty much deserted, save for the inevitable flies, and Kai is grateful that there is nobody to watch him as he goes down to the washing place in the bend of the river. Llud made sure to teach his sons household skills, since theirs was a family without womenfolk; even so, to Kai this is women’s work. Certainly not fitting for a man and a warrior, he thinks resentfully, pummelling the cloth against the stones. Damn that boy and his stupidity. And damn me for being such a push-over. Why am I doing this? Fuck it, it’s not even my fucking vomit this time...  
   
But the sun is warm on Kai’s back, and the river ripples on without regard for petty human concerns; by the time Kai is half-done with his task, his anger has been washed away as thoroughly as last night’s stains.  
   
He has finished with their breeches and tunics, and is standing knee-deep in the water to give Arthur’s cloak its second rinsing, when footsteps crunch on the gravel behind him and a hoarse voice says, ‘I’m sorry…’  
   
Kai straightens up, his hands full of heavy, dripping wool.  
‘You’re too late to help,’ he says, without turning round. ‘And I doubt you’re in a fit state anyway… What are you doing out of bed?’  
‘I couldn’t sleep. But whatever was in that foul draught, it’s cleared my head. So I came out to get some air.’  
   
 ‘Just in time to give me a hand,’ Kai says, and splashes to the bank, where a barefoot, pale and somewhat shamefaced Arthur is leaning against an alder tree. ‘No. Don’t apologize. Just stick that lot on those rocks while I get this wrung out.’  
   
Once all the laundry is spread out in the sunshine to dry, the two of them sit on the bank, throwing pebbles into the water and studiously not looking at each other.  
   
‘I owe you an explanation,’ Arthur says, after a while.  
‘Llud’s already given me one. You were drinking, you had an argument, that prick Rhydian dared you to eat those hellish things, and you couldn’t or wouldn’t back down. Is that about right?’  
‘There was more, besides.’  
‘I don’t need to know it.’  
‘But I need you to hear it.’  
‘Then I’m listening.’ Kai picks up a white stone and throws it into the deepest part of the pool. He watches as it wavers down through the brown water and fades from sight.  
   
‘My pride got the better of me,’ Arthur says. ‘I boasted. That I was better than all of them, that I’d be leader here soon, that they’d have to do as I told them…’  
‘Well, so they will.’  
‘Yes, but not because – not because I’m better, in myself. Because my position will set me above them.’  
‘I’m… not sure I understand,’ Kai says.  
‘I was wrong. Wrongfully wrong. Llud’s told me all along that a leader should never think himself better than his followers. But I never really saw what he meant.’ Arthur throws a black stone after Kai’s white one. ‘It served me right, what happened last night.’  
   
‘So… you proclaimed that you were better than all of them, and Rhydian told you to prove it, did he?’  
‘Yes. He said I’d only be holding the position by inheritance and not on my own merit. That if it wasn’t for who my father was, I’d be a nobody.’  
‘Just words.’ Kai shifts his position so he is sitting close beside Arthur. ‘He’s done that before. You shouldn’t let him bait you.’  
‘I know that.’ Arthur sounds thoroughly miserable.  
‘You know it – when you’re sober,’ Kai says, and puts an arm round Arthur. ‘But you’d all had a skinful…’  
‘Two.’ Arthur leans into Kai’s shoulder. ‘Aidan lifted two skins of mead from the store hut. And we’d pretty much finished them, when Rhydian started goading me.’  
‘You fought?’  
‘We would have done, if we’d had weapons. I shoved him over, on the grass… and then he noticed the fungus, and said that it was a better test of courage than any trial of strength or skill. Told the others they’d see visions. Taunted me when some of them ate the things, and I refused. He called me coward, and there seemed no other way to prove that I was not.’  
‘Did you hurt him? He came home with a broken arm.’  
‘I don’t think I did that, no. But I don’t know… It’s all confused in my mind. The bitter taste, and then… Everything looked different, their faces all looked strange, and suddenly the ghosts came, and I didn’t care whether anyone called me coward – I had to run…’  
   
‘Don’t think about it,’ Kai says. ‘It’s done, finished. Let it go. You’re home now.’  
‘But it’s _not_ finished,’ Arthur says. ‘I still have to take my father’s place.’  
   
He sounds like a lost child.  
   
Kai tightens his grip, just a little, around Arthur’s tense shoulders. ‘Is that what all this is really about?’    
   
Arthur nods, and draws a harsh breath.  
   
‘I can’t lie to you,’ he says. ‘The truth is – I’m afraid, Kai. The people expect me to lead them, but how am I going to do it? What if I still can’t give enough?’  
   
‘Of course you can,’ Kai says. ‘You are your father’s son, you have his strength. And Llud and I will stand by you. I promise you that. You’ll find a way.’  
‘I can’t see how,’ Arthur says.  
   
And now he is weeping, huddled against Kai’s side, weak and despairing.  
   
Kai holds him gently, and strokes his hair.  
‘Arthur. You’re still sick. Give yourself time. Think of what Llud told us in training. When you find yourself falling, remember that you’ll have to hit the ground before you can get up again. And he never said that you couldn’t let anyone help you.’  
   
‘I shouldn’t have needed help.’ Arthur pulls away from Kai’s encircling arm. Kai sighs inwardly. It is so easy to bruise Arthur’s pride...  
‘And I shouldn’t have told you… what I’ve just told you. I hate you for knowing my weakness,’ Arthur says.  
He wipes his nose and sniffs angrily; turns his face away, and stares out across the river.  
   
‘I will never use that knowledge against you,’ Kai says, doing his best to stop his voice from trembling. ‘What do you think I am?’  
   
Arthur shakes his head. ‘Twice in two days now you’ve seen me un-manned. You are strong and I am weak. I am ashamed before you. And now’ – he glares at Kai, his eyes like flints – ‘now, I suppose you expect me to thank you for it.’  
   
‘No,’ Kai says. ‘I saw you in need of help, and I gave you what help I could. I _chose_ to give you my loyalty. I’m not asking for gratitude.’  
   
Arthur snorts.  
   
‘You did not ask this of me,’ Kai says. ‘Nor would I ask it of you. You owe me nothing.’  
   
Arthur stares up at the sky, frowning. Kai feels anxiety gnawing at his guts. Perhaps he has gone too far. Perhaps Arthur will turn away from him for good – perhaps, when he is leader, he will send Kai elsewhere…  
   
‘Did – did I do wrong, then, by coming to look for you?’ Kai asks, when he can bear the silence no longer.  
   
A fly buzzes past, loud in the afternoon stillness.  
   
Arthur sighs, and shakes his head. ‘I was glad of you,’ he says, in a small voice.  
   
‘Then I did right,’ Kai tells him. ‘That’s all I need to know.’


	5. Sunlight and Shadows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's bathtime.

Kai heaves a deep breath, and the sharp tang of his own sweat makes him wrinkle his nose. He didn’t dare leave Arthur for long yesterday, and it’s been hot today…  
   
‘I’m going for a bathe,’ he says. ‘Coming?’  
Without waiting for an answer, he scrambles to his feet and strips off his breeches; puts them on the sun-warmed rock with the rest of the damp laundry, and wades into the pool.  
   
The water is blissfully cool and clean on his sticky, dusty skin. He flings himself full-length, rolls over, and rinses the dirt out of his hair. Then he looks around for Arthur.  
   
But Arthur has not followed; he is still sitting on the bank, unhappily hugging his knees.  
   
Of course. Kai had not thought – Arthur is still strapped up…  
   
Kai pushes the wet hair out of his eyes, and looks up at Arthur.  
‘What about you?’ he says.  
   
Arthur shakes his head, and indicates the bandage around his waist.  
‘That could come off,’ Kai says. ‘A bit of clean water won’t hurt. And we can go home by way of the healer’s – or Llud can help me strap you up again.’  
   
Arthur bites his lip. ‘Is Llud very angry with me?’ he asks.  
Kai cannot lie – but perhaps he can soften the truth. ‘Of course he is. But I told you, he’ll save what he has to say to you, until you are strong enough to hear it. Llud’s not one to kick a man when he’s down. And you can trust him to give you a fair hearing.’  
   
‘He will go to the lawgiver,’ Arthur says, his brow furrowed.  
   
Kai snorts. ‘What if he does? There is no law against – against getting drunk and eating mushrooms.’  
‘But against stealing, there is. The mead was stolen, and we all drank it, even though we knew…’  
   
‘Ach.’ Kai shakes his head, and clambers up the bank again. ‘You’re worrying about nothing. The lawgiver will decide in your favour – he always does. He’s got boys of his own, he understands. And Llud – no, I don’t believe he’d go so far as to leather you, for this. He may flay you with words, but that’ll be all.’  
Arthur nods, though he is still frowning. ‘Perhaps you’re right.’  
‘I know I am. Now. Let’s get that bandage off and get you clean, while it’s still warm out here.’  
   
When Kai unwinds the bandage, he is relieved to see that there is only a little blood; the bruising on Arthur’s stomach is already fading at the edges, and the cut is clean.  
Arthur’s pale skin turns to gooseflesh where Kai touches it.  
   
‘Your hands are cold,’ Arthur says. His head is turned away. Perhaps he does not want to look at his injuries – does not want to be reminded.  
‘You need help getting undressed?’  
‘No – I can manage.’ Arthur struggles out of his breeches, and Kai is trying not to look, but he can’t help seeing…  
   
Hastily he wades back into the river. It’s a good thing the water’s cold; his rock-hard erection has subsided to manageable proportions by the time Arthur is making his way down the bank.  
Arthur paddles unsteadily into the edge of the pool. He kneels down and scoops water over himself, then bends his head and starts to wash his hair.  
   
It’s clearly awkward, and after a few curses Arthur says: ‘Help me with this, would you?’  
‘Of course.’ Kai kneels behind Arthur, heedless of the sharp stones that are digging into him, and pours water from his cupped hands over Arthur’s gleaming black hair. His eye is drawn to the droplets that run down Arthur’s lean back, and oh, that wet bare arse… When, too soon, Arthur says ‘Enough,’ and Kai takes his arm to help him to his feet, Arthur glances at Kai’s half-hardness, but says nothing.  
   
Kai blushes, and looks down. Then he sees that Arthur too is hard… Kai tells himself it’s nothing, it’s just the water, or the pleasure of being clean.  
   
Anything else is dangerous ground, with Arthur all fragile as he is.  
   
Back on dry land, Kai struggles back into his breeches without waiting to get dry. The cloth pulls unpleasantly against his skin, sticking to him, but at least his treacherous body is out of sight. He busies himself gathering up the dried laundry, while his breathing calms and the tumult in his groin subsides.  
   
Arthur is very quiet as he dries himself with the clean end of the bandaging cloth and gets dressed.  
   
He leans wearily on Kai’s shoulder as they make their way to the healer’s hut.  
   
The door swings open as they approach.  
   
And there is Llud…


	6. The Things I See

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur accepts the consequences of his rash action. And Kai helps him to deal with them.

‘Six.’  
   
The leather strap whistles through the air and slaps across the back of the boy kneeling in front of Llud. It leaves a neat, straight weal, precisely the equal of the other five. The lad is silent, but his mother is whimpering against her neighbour’s shoulder where she stands in the crowd of onlookers.  
‘My Rhydian… my poor boy… have the lawgivers no pity?’  
   
‘Done,’ Llud says, his face impassive. ‘Next.’  
   
Aidan steps forward, white-faced and trembling, and is dealt with in his turn, with impartial efficiency.  
   
‘This is not right,’ Arthur mutters.  
   
He is by Kai’s side in the front row, where Llud has ordered him to stand and watch.  
   
Kai snorts. ‘Six strokes isn’t much. And anyway, they let you off this time. They’re just making an example of the idiots who stole the mead. What are you complaining about?’  
   
The village lawgiver looks sharply at Kai, and he falls silent.  
   
Along with most of the other men of the village, Kai attended the council meeting this morning, at which the youngsters who took part in last week’s escapade were formally sent before the seat of judgement to hear the elders’ decision.  
   
‘Guilty,’ the lawgiver had said.  
   
A frown creased his harsh features, drawing his bushy white brows still closer together over his bright, knowing eyes. ‘You are all guilty of neglecting your duties, and endangering yourselves and one another by consuming poison. However,’ he went on, ‘since you young fools have all suffered unpleasantly already, and I am assuming that you have learned a lesson by this, no penalty will be exacted beyond an undertaking that nothing of the sort will occur again.’  
   
‘Thank the gods that you came through this unharmed,’ Llud said severely; and then added more quietly, ‘And be grateful that it is not Llud who is lawgiver in this village.’  
   
Rhydian and Aidan were already exchanging smug glances, when the lawgiver spoke again.  
   
‘There is also the matter of stealing mead from the common store. The penalty for which is six strokes of the lash, before all the village. In this, I judge the following to be at fault. Rhydian, Conor –’  
   
Conor’s mouth fell open.  
   
‘– Aidan –’  
   
‘All of us,’ Rhydian groaned.  
   
‘– and Ellwyn.’  
   
There was a stunned silence.  
   
‘What about the rest of them?’ Aidan said, his half-broken voice cracking into an indignant squeak.  
   
‘We all drank it,’ Arthur put in. ‘And it was my –’  
   
The lawgiver scowled. ‘Be silent. I have spoken.’  
   
‘But it was –’  
   
‘Be silent, boy.’ The old man’s fierce dark gaze quelled them all. ‘Mine is the last word. Llud will carry out the sentence at noon today.’  
   
And so he is doing.  
   
Kai is right: this punishment is not unusually severe. But it is certainly humiliating to boys on the verge of becoming men…  
   
Llud stripes Conor’s back for the last time, and straightens up. ‘It is done,’ he says.  
   
The lawgiver nods. ‘It is done.’  
   
‘No!’ Arthur steps forward, shaking Kai’s hand off his arm as Kai tries to hold him back.  
   
His face is pale and resolute.  
   
‘I should be punished too,’ he says.  
   
Llud shakes his head. ‘The lawgiver has decided the case. You were not guilty of the theft.’ He lowers his voice. ‘Your injuries, the – distress you suffered… these are punishment enough.’  
   
‘No.’ Everyone is staring at Arthur now. His clear voice is pitched to carry to the back of the crowd. ‘I was not given a chance to speak. Nor were the others.’  
   
‘The facts were known,’ Llud says. ‘There were witnesses to the theft.’  
   
‘But you never thought to ask whose idea it was to take the mead in the first place. It was mine. And now you know that fact, it is only fair that I should be beaten too. Else how can I expect the others to respect me, if there is one rule for me and another for them?’  
   
Llud looks helplessly at the lawgiver, who shrugs his shoulders. There is no precedent for this.  
   
‘I am your future leader. A leader is subject to the same law as his followers – else that law is worthless, and the leader also.’  
   
There are murmurs of assent and admiration in the crowd.  
   
‘Very well,’ the lawgiver growls. ‘Since you insist on punishment, you shall have it. Llud – give him the same as the others.’  
   
Idiotic but magnificent, thinks Kai. Only Arthur would do this. Llud is frowning; but Arthur’s chin is raised in defiance, in the way Kai knows so well.  
   
Arthur strips off his tunic and gives it to Kai to hold. He steps forward, and takes his place in front of their father.  
   
‘Do me no favours, Llud,’ he says quietly, as he kneels. ‘You know I have earned this. Many times over.’  
   
He looks so fragile, so alone, out there with every eye in the village upon him. His skin is pale in the sunlight, the fading bruises still mottling his stomach. His chest is heaving, and Kai sees him brace himself as Llud raises the belt…  
   
‘One.’  
   
Kai watches every stroke, blinking back tears, his fingers tangling in the folds of the tunic. Llud’s face is expressionless; only the tiniest narrowing of his eyes betrays his pain, and then only to Kai, who knows him so well.  
   
Arthur makes no sound as the six red stripes blossom one after the other across his back. When it’s over, he gets up, holding himself very straight.  
   
‘I am sorry, Llud,’ he says, very quietly, looking Llud directly in the eye. He takes his tunic from Kai without another word, and walks to the longhouse, looking straight ahead of him.  
   
The crowd parts silently, respectfully, to let him through.  
   
Then a buzz of conversation breaks out, and the chattering villagers begin to disperse. Kai heaves in a breath, and walks unsteadily over to where Llud is buckling on his belt.  
   
‘Are you all right?’ Kai asks, in an undertone.  
‘It had to be done,’ Llud says. ‘I pray you will never know how it feels. But Arthur was right. I would not have permitted it, else.’  
‘You should not have done it,’ Kai says. He is trembling. ‘You should not –’  
‘Since it had to be done,’ Llud says, ‘I would have entrusted the task to no other man. And it’s done now. Let us not speak of it again.’  
   
Kai turns to go after Arthur, but Llud puts a hand on his arm.  
‘Let him go,’ Llud says. ‘Let him be, for a while.’  
Kai shakes his head. ‘He needs me,’ he says.  
‘You didn’t think so, when I sent you to find him that night.’  
‘But I know it now. And yes, I admit, you were right – you can say it…’  
‘Very well… I told you so.’  
   
Llud smiles at Kai, and their eyes meet.  
   
Then Llud reaches up with his good hand, and ruffles Kai’s hair. ‘I’m all right,’ he says. ‘Now go and make sure that our leader is, too.’

 

...

 

Arthur has gone into the bedchamber, but the door is ajar.  
   
Kai hesitates on the threshold; there is no sound from inside.  
   
Perhaps he should not go in, after all.  
   
But surely Arthur would have latched the door if he had wanted to be alone.  
   
And Kai was so certain a minute ago, that Arthur needed him…  
   
He takes a deep breath, and goes in.  
   
   
Arthur is lying prone on his bed, his face hidden in the crook of his arm. He does not look up as Kai comes to stand beside him.  
   
‘Was that well done?’ Kai asks.  
‘I don’t know. But it had to be done. It was only fair.’ Arthur shifts his position, and winces.  
   
‘You should let me see to that,’ Kai says.  
Arthur draws breath, as though to deny him, but then lets it out again. He lies there unresisting as Kai fetches water and a cloth, and wipes away the dust and the few smears of blood.  
   
When Kai is done, Arthur heaves a huge sigh and says: ‘Thank you.’  
‘You’re welcome.’ Kai wrings out the cloth and lays it over the weals, to cool them. ‘I’ll fetch you some salve from the healer’s in a minute.’  
‘Is it bad?’ Arthur asks.  
‘It’s just the same as all the others – no better, no worse. Llud’s a craftsman at heart.’  
‘Did you speak to him, after? Is he all right?’  
Kai chuckles. ‘He’s fine. He said you were right.’  
‘That’s not something he says very often.’  
‘Well, you haven’t exactly given him cause, lately.’ Kai lifts the cloth and dampens it again; lays it carefully back over Arthur’s shoulders. ‘But today –’  
‘Something changed,’ Arthur says.  
   
Kai knows Arthur is biting his lip in thought, even though he can’t see it. He reaches down to free the ends of Arthur’s hair where they are caught under the wet linen.  
   
‘You’ve certainly given them all something to think about,’ he says. ‘They’ll be gossiping about it for weeks. And that’s the first time I’ve seen that git Rhydian look at anybody with respect.’  
   
‘Kai?’  
‘Mmm?’  
‘What is wrong with my hair?’  
‘Your hair?  – Oh…’  
   
Kai realises he is caressing the soft, warm skin at the nape of Arthur’s neck. He blushes furiously, and snatches his hand away. ‘I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I…’  
And now he is hard, too. He scrambles to his feet, hot all over with shame. ‘I’ll go and get the salve,’ he mutters.  
   
‘Don’t go.’ Arthur rolls over and sits up; reaches out and grips Kai’s arm. ‘I need to talk to you.’  
Kai’s heart is hammering in his ears. ‘What about?’  
‘Rhydian’s not the only one who’s changed the way he looks at me.’  
   
‘I was hoping you wouldn’t notice.’ Kai sits down abruptly on the edge of the bed, and puts his hands over his face.  
   
Arthur leans forward, takes hold of Kai’s wrists and pulls his hands away.  
   
‘And I was hoping that one day you would do more than look,’ he says softly.  
   
‘You… what?’ Kai stares at Arthur, unable to take it in.  
‘Did you never think,’ Arthur says, smiling, ‘that it might be the same for me?’  
‘But you’re still…’ Kai fumbles for the words. ‘You are not yet of age. It wouldn’t be right –’  
‘I will be a man in a matter of weeks. And it is for me to decide what’s right.’  
   
‘You _have_ changed,’ Kai says.  
‘I’ve grown up, is all.’ Arthur’s blue eyes look at Kai with a steady certainty. ‘I know who I am now.’  
He lets go of Kai’s wrists, and takes Kai’s face between his hands.  
   
‘And I know what I want,’ he whispers, and leans forward to press his mouth to Kai’s.  
   
He has no idea how to kiss. That much is instantly clear. He is clumsy and tense, and his lips are pressed shut, bumping blindly against Kai’s as though seeking a way in. And the thought that he is the first – that Arthur is trusting him with this – fills Kai with awe and love and fear and want, all mingled together. Such a gift, and such a responsibility…  
   
Arthur is trembling. Kai hushes him, strokes him; moves his own mouth slowly and carefully, holding back, showing Arthur what to do.  
   
A small needy sound is torn from Arthur’s throat as his mouth opens to Kai’s and they fit together, holding each other fiercely, kissing and kissing until their lips are swollen and sore.  
   
They stop to draw breath, and look at each other.  
   
Arthur is gazing at Kai in sheer wonder.  
‘How long…?’ he asks.  
Kai shakes his head, and wipes the wet from the corner of his mouth. ‘Years. Forever. I don’t know. And you?’  
‘When you were in the river,’ Arthur says. ‘When I saw you were… you know…’  
‘You were looking?’  
‘I tried not to, but I couldn’t help it. I hadn’t understood, before. But then you stood up, all wet, and you were trying to hide yourself, hide what was happening to you. And I knew it was because of me, and it made me…’  
‘Me too,’ Kai says, and runs a hand up Arthur’s thigh.  
   
But Arthur takes Kai’s hand and lifts it off him. He shakes his head. ‘Not now,’ he says.  
   
Kai feels icy claws digging into his heart. He berates himself for his own impatience – for letting his body betray him; for revealing his needs and desires at such a bad time, when Arthur has so many other things on his mind.  
   
He looks down, at the hand holding his own. Long, slender fingers, oval nails. Young and strong, but already changed and marked and scarred with hard usage: the calluses on the palm from holding reins, the scar on the back of the wrist where an axe blade nicked it in practice last summer…  
   
So familiar, so unutterably dear.  
   
They have to be together.  
   
They _will_ be together.  
   
Anything else is unthinkable…  
   
‘Kai.’ Arthur puts his other hand under Kai’s chin, and raises it, so that he can look into his eyes.  
   
‘I did not say “Not ever”,’ he murmurs.  
   
‘When –’ Kai chokes on a sob.  
‘Not now, but soon, I promise you,’ Arthur says, and kisses him again. ‘Listen, you said it yourself – the time is not yet right. I am not yet a man. And this is so new, and so important…’  
‘You want to get it right,’ Kai says, trying to keep his voice steady.  
   
Arthur nods. ‘I do. And I will. But I have to put my duty first.’  
‘To be our leader.’  
‘Yes.’ Arthur runs his fingers through Kai’s hair. ‘I won a victory today, and my people are looking at me with new eyes. But there is still a long campaign ahead, before I can turn those looks of respect into action – into willingness to follow where I lead. And remember what Llud said, about not making love the night before a battle? I will need all my strength for the fight, Kai. We will have to be patient.’  
‘I will wait,’ Kai says, although his cock twitches with disappointment. ‘For as long as it takes. For a lifetime, if need be.’  
   
Arthur smiles more broadly. ‘I do not think that it will take quite that long,’ he says. ‘First, I must learn to be a man, and to lead my people. But I learn fast, when I have a mind to. This winter should suffice. Then I can learn how to love – how to be whole. Wait for me, Kai. Wait for me until the spring.’  
   
‘Until spring, then,’ Kai says, and they clasp hands, as on a formal bargain.  
   
They seal the bargain with another kiss.  
   
Kai lays Arthur gently back on the bed, face down; looks at him with love and longing.  
   
‘It will be a long winter,’ he says.  
   
‘It will.’ Arthur smiles over his shoulder. ‘But the spring will be all the more welcome for it.’  
   
…  
   
Llud watches his elder son as he crosses the yard with a jaunty step, headed for the healer’s hut.  
   
The old warrior heaves a sigh of relief. All is well, then. Or possibly even better.  
   
   
He hasn’t seen Kai grin like that in a long time.


	7. In the Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur has come of age, and now he finds the real source of his strength.

This has been the longest winter of my life.  
   
My first winter as a man and a warrior.  
   
And my first as a leader.  
   
After the Yuletide ceremonies and the feasting were over, life in the village settled back into its familiar pattern – but not for me.  
   
I had thought that I’d paid good attention to all of Llud’s teachings, in those last couple of months of the year, but there has been so much still to learn, and to do, and to remember…  
   
I found myself looking at my foster-father with new respect. He had taken on this task with little time to prepare himself, and carried it out with diligence and care over many years: keeping the village defended, seeing that the people were fed, arbitrating disputes, training the new warriors, commanding in battles. And still somehow finding time to care for his two boys, to educate them and advise them, to discipline them – and to have fun with them, too.  
   
The first weeks after Yule passed in a blur of exhaustion, and I was thankful that the weather stayed bad enough to keep Saxon and Celt alike shut up in their own encampments while I fought all the small battles that a leader must fight with his own people in order to establish himself in command. Yet gradually I got into the way of it, and the days began to slip past more easily, and to have more hours in them.  
   
Today, for the first time since I swore my chieftain’s oath, I have simply ridden out of the village to forget my cares for a while. Kai is with me – when is he not? – our daily tasks are done, the village is safe and orderly, and the two of us can race our horses across the meadow and enjoy the sunshine of a fine spring afternoon.  
   
Kai wins. He always does, unless I can trick him into turning aside.  
   
Afterwards, we unsaddle the horses and turn them loose to graze.  
Kai looks up at the big oak tree beside us.  
‘I know this place,’ he says. ‘This is where –’  
‘Where you came to find me, the night I ate those mushrooms.’ I smile at him, a little ruefully. ‘And had to half-carry me home with wet breeches…’  
‘ _And_ do your washing,’ he says. ‘While you were raving about dancing trees, or something.’  
‘I was much younger then,’ I say.  
He snorts. ‘By six months, if that. But it’s true you’ve changed a lot. I doubt if even ghosts could frighten you any more.’  
   
The tree remains reassuringly immobile as we sit in its shade and talk about how things have changed; about my new horse; about the rumours of Saxon invaders and the prospect of our first battle; about everything else but…  
   
Kai has fallen silent.  
   
He is looking at me. I can feel his gaze on me, burning.  
   
It will be here – it will be now – we will be –  
   
My voice has faded into silence and my heart is pounding in my throat, so loud he must surely be able to hear it; my palms are damp.  
   
I knew this day would come. I have waited, and so has he. And now it is upon us…  
The dream that sustained me through the winter is now reality. It is the two of us, our breath, our bodies.  
   
He will touch me, and I him. Already I can feel the warmth in my belly, the pressure in my loins. I long for him, and yet I fear him. No other in the world knows my weaknesses so well. And to do this, I must be more than weak – I must be helpless. I must let go, and trust him…  
   
Here it comes. An arm about my shoulders, pulling me close. His voice whispers my name, his breath is on my cheek, his mouth takes mine –  
   
I cry out, and pull away.  
   
Kai’s face twists in pain.  
   
‘Now what?’ He draws a harsh breath. ‘I thought all you asked me to do was to wait. So I waited. And now it seems I have to do – what? Tell me, damn it, I’ll do anything. Anything…’ He slams a fist into the bark of the tree.  
   
‘I am sorry,’ I tell him. And I am. I do not understand myself. I only know that after a winter of having to be strong, I cannot bring myself to let my guard down. Not even to Kai.  
   
‘I had not thought that leadership would change you so much,’ he says. ‘But you’ve grown away from me. I tried not to see it. But sometimes I feel I – I don’t know you any more.’  
   
His face is wet with tears. I reach out and stroke his cheek, meaning to comfort him; but he slaps my hand viciously away.  
   
‘No, don’t touch me, _don’t._ I waited and longed for you to touch me, but not like this… I do not want your pity. Any more than you wanted mine, after what happened here.’  
   
And now he is the one who is hunched against the roots of the tree, and if he goes on weeping like this he will be the one who is throwing up, too.  
   
‘I do not pity you,’ I say. ‘But I cannot bear another burden, Kai. To have your happiness depend on me…’  
   
He groans in despair. ‘But it _does_.’  
   
There is nothing I can say. How can I argue with him, when I know he is telling the truth?  
   
‘I didn’t think,’ he says, shaking his head like a trapped animal. ‘I thought it was something I could give to you, not take from you. I thought it would help you – that I could lighten the load. I never meant for a moment to make it heavier…’  
   
He sniffs, and wipes his face on his tunic; looks up at me with red-rimmed eyes.  
‘Perhaps it would be better for me to leave,’ he says.  
   
And that brings me up short. ‘No. No, Kai, you cannot.’  
   
The thought of taking on this task without him by my side – to listen, and advise, and back me up; to lay a hand on my shoulder, or make me laugh when the day has been particularly hard… and now I see, what he has been doing for me all winter, how he has indeed been making my burden lighter, without my even realising it.  
   
And how, if he leaves, he will take my very heart with him.  
   
‘My heart.’  
   
He looks up, trying not to hope.  
   
I kneel beside him, and take his hand, and this time he does not push me away, but waits, as he has waited for me all this time… and will wait forever, if that is what I ask of him now.  
   
I can see him trying to steel himself for the blow.  
   
Something breaks inside me. Something I had thought I needed to hold me together and make me strong – and it has held me back, made me weak.  
   
My true strength is here. Lying in a despairing heap at the foot of a tree…  
   
‘My heart,’ I say again, and my face is wet with tears.  
   
I have never seen anything more beautiful than the look in his dark eyes, as he realises that those words are for him.  
   
‘You told me,’ I say, when I can speak again. ‘You said that one day I would find the person who would be my whole world…’  
   
‘As I already had,’ he says.  
   
And now I am sobbing every bit as hard as he was a few moments ago.  
   
‘Don’t,’ he says, stroking my wet cheek with the back of his hand. ‘Don’t weep, not now, it’s… it’s going to be all right.’  
   
‘You won’t leave me?’  
‘I won’t leave you.’ He pulls me close; settles my head onto his shoulder. I can feel his body trembling. ‘I couldn’t. Even if I wanted to. But I was so afraid you would send me away – I thought – I thought you’d changed your mind, that I’d got it wrong, that you didn’t want me… and I’d waited all winter…’  
His voice is thick with tears.  
   
‘I’m sorry,’ I say. ‘I don’t know what I was thinking. Or even whether I was thinking at all. If I could take that moment back, I would.’  
‘It was my fault,’ he says.  
‘No. It was mine.’ I press my face into his neck, and his pulse beats against my skin… beats for me.  
He smells of woodsmoke, and himself, and home.  
   
What was I afraid of?  
   
A sob shakes him. I sit up, and take his face between my hands.  
‘What have we done to each other?’ I whisper.  
   
To my utter surprise, the ghost of a smile quivers across his mouth.  
‘Nothing, yet,’ he whispers back.  
   
My lips are on his before I have even realised I was moving.  
   
His fingers run through my hair; he moans in his throat, as though this were hurting him, although I know it is not. I cannot keep silent myself. I never knew it was in me, to make such sounds. I never heard them before.  
   
And the tears are falling, but it doesn’t matter now, nothing matters, save the knowledge of him – of my Kai, real and warm and breathing and about to –  
   
His hand is at my waist, hesitating. I move against him, wanting him to touch me.  
He moves his hand lower. The heat in my groin grows to a sharp, burning need. I pull my mouth from his. ‘Yes,’ I say, and that is all I need to say. He claims my mouth again, and cups my aching hardness in his palm; loosens my belt, and slips a hand inside my clothing.  
   
I whimper, and writhe, and one finger is stroking my tip, and I never felt…  
I never felt anything…  
   
If he…  
   
He pushes his hand further down, and now he is grasping me, gently, very gently, as though afraid he will break me, though he must be able to feel that I am iron-hard.  
He rubs up and down just below my cock-head, and I cannot keep still any more than I can keep silent.  
   
If he does that just once more…  
   
He does, and somehow I hold back.  
Then he does it again, and this time he slips his tongue into the corner of my mouth, and I am utterly undone.  
   
I am coming, and coming, and weeping and laughing all at the same time, and in this moment I am invincible, all fear and doubt banished.  
   
He holds me until it is over; lets go of me very carefully; then raises an eyebrow at me and grins as he wipes his wet hand on his breeches.  
   
‘Still in one piece?’ he asks.  
   
‘I think so,’ I say, breathless and spent. ‘All the pieces that matter, anyway.’  
   
And I pull him down to kiss him again, softly this time; then I reach for him.  
   
He takes my wrist, to stop me; huffs out a half-laugh. ‘You’re too late. I’ve… I mean, when you… I couldn’t help it…’  
   
‘So,’ I say, grinning, ‘this time we will both be going home with wet breeches.’  
   
‘We will. But I won’t tell anyone, if you don’t.’  
   
‘At least you won’t have to carry me,’ I say.  
   
I scramble up, and hold out a hand to him; but he kneels at my feet.  
His face is very serious, and very beautiful.  
   
‘My Arthur,’ he declares. ‘I would say this. You are my love, my lord – I will defend you with my life. You are my leader. I will follow you always. But…’  
   
‘But?’ I say, biting my lip.  
   
He gets to his feet; his eyes are twinkling, and his face is cracking into one of his delicious smiles.  
   
‘But,’ he says, giggling, ‘I’m still going to make you wash your own damn breeches this time.’


End file.
